All Good Things Must Come To An End

The weeks following Tamara’s birth we received a lot of visitors and with that many gifts too. Tamara was wanting for nothing. My parents were so excited that they had a baby in the house again that they would buy two of everything like prams and bouncers, one for their house and one for ours.

I had to remind my family that the baby would grow very fast and that she would outgrow her clothes so they didn’t need to buy so many.

Sara was very happy with Tamara and loved the attention that they would both get from family and friends. Sara was worried that she would not lose the weight she gained as she had a caesarean operation and would not be able to exercise for a while. My mother devoted a lot of her time in helping Sara with the baby and also training the new maid. Our maid was from the Philippines , she was hard working and kind with the baby and we had ourselves very lucky to have her.

One morning we got up and the maid was nowhere to be seen, when Sara went to look for her , she was lying on the bed very stiff with her eyes rolling backwards and would not reply to anything Sara asked her. Sara called out for me and when I went to see her but she did not move or talk. We decided to call an ambulance and the paramedics examined her and took her to the hospital. At the hospital the doctor told us that the maid was suffering from depression. We were really shocked as she had seemed very normal for all the time we had her. There was a likelihood that she had a nervous breakdown before she came to work for us. We decided it was best to send her home.

This put Sara and I in a very tight spot as Sara had a lot of housework to do in addition to taking care of the baby. My mother helped us by sending us one of the maids from the family house to help out from time to time to help Sara.

I was very busy with work and sometimes came back late, this created a lot of tension with Sara. Although she knew that I loved her she became very suspicious and had these crazy ideas in her head that I was meeting a woman. I tried to put it off and thought she might just have lost her confidence because she gained weight and was finding it a great challenge to lose weight.

Baby Tamara was growing into a beautiful baby. At six months she started crawling, she was a happy baby mashallah who always had a smile on her face. She ate well and was an easy baby to look after. The only thing I disagreed with Sara about raising Tamara was the sleeping pattern .She did not believe in putting the baby to sleep at a reasonable hour  and sometimes would her awake past midnight. This caused us to have many arguments.

Steven a close friend of mine was getting married in Thailand and invited us to his wedding. I went to university with Steven. He came from a wealthy business family and I knew his wedding would be extraordinary so I convinced Sara to go and we left Tamara with my Parents. It was a wonderful 10 day break; the wedding was a three day event at Hua Hin a few hours’ drive from Bangkok. Steven arranged for a bus to pick up all the guests from Bangkok to Hua Hin. The wedding took place at Sofitel Centre grand resort and villas. All the guests were accommodated by the groom's family. It was three days of exotic food , dance ,shows ,and local bands. The last day 800 guests were invited and it was an all day event We had an amazing time , the bride and groom looked gorgeous in their local wedding attire. Everything good eventually has to come to an end so after the wedding we left to Phukhet for a few days. It was wonderful just Sara and I, we rented a motor bike and drove around the island, swam, and in general had a great time.

We had a lovely holiday and Sara came back tanned and happy. We were afraid Tamara would forget us but she was very excited to see us. Immediately after we got back Sara wanted to go visit her parents. I told her to wait for a few months as we had just comes back from a holiday and I recently got her a new Mercedes.  She was not happy with me and made my life miserable. She was being unreasonable and I started to see a new side of her, a side I did not know excited. She could be very nasty when she wanted to. She would yell at me telling me that I was selfish, that her father had not seen our daughter and that I didn’t want her to go home. She told me that I was ba5eel and all sorts of things. I tried to explain to her that it was an issue of money and not that I did not want her to go. All my reasoning went on deaf ears. I would come home to her sulking, rude, and a woman who was hard to live with.

It did not take long to see her other side as my father had told me. He was right, women can be very sweet when they want you but after that they just like to twist and turn you as they please. To make my life bearable I borrowed money from my father and sent her with the baby to her parents.

It was fun to be a bachelor again, I was out with the boys every night, and I did not realize how much I missed my friends and the care free life. Most weekends we were at spent with the guy’s weather it was to lounges or to camping in the desert.

Sara originally planned to stay with her parents for a month but after two weeks she decided it was time to come back. However, Tamara ended up catching something so they had to extend the holiday to what was planned originally. She was getting tired of taking care of Tamara and would call constantly to complain, back home she did not have the luxury of maids. To be honest,I did not mind her extending the trip as I was enjoying my freedom. One night she calls me and says that she would arrive the next day. I pretended to sound excited on the phone, said goodbye to my freedom and went to sleep early for a change.

Starting A Family

Sara got pregnant soon after we got married. She did not take pregnancy very well as she was tired all the time and was very moody. She did not like our traditional foods and mostly had no appetite. When she did, she would crave KFC. She started gaining weight quite rapidly and everyone thought it best to advise her to eat wisely. However, Sara ignored everyone’s advice.

 After two months I decided to throw a big party to introduce my wife to my friends and family members. I planned a wonderful dinner party at the Address Hotel. It was a small function of 200 people. Sara chose a beautiful white wedding dress by Monique Lhullier from Frost in Palm Jumeira. The dress itself cost 40,000 dirhams minus the shoes and jewellery. I spent more than I planned but I did everything to please Sara. The dinner was superb and everyone enjoyed it. She looked amazing in the designer gown but of course a few nosy relatives asked if she was expecting, as there are no secrets in our community.

We settled very well in our new flat. Once she knew that she was going to have a girl she started painting the room pink and buying clothes, bed and toys. We had an argument on choosing the name of the baby, I wanted to name her Hessa after my grandmother but she wanted to name her Tamara. My sisters also liked the name Tamara so that is the name we ended up choosing.

Sara’s pregnancy turned out smoothly except in the last few months when she became diabetic. The doctor thought it would be best to have a C section. Her mother and aunt came over for the delivery so on the big day we went to City Hospital. Because she was having the baby by caesarean I was not allowed in the operating room buy as soon as I got the call telling me that I was a father I rushed to go see my little girl and I cannot express the joy I had when the nurse put the baby in my arms. She was quite red and started crying, I held her right ear and recited the athan and handed the baby back to the nurse.

My sisters and brothers were overjoyed with the birth of their first niece that they brought huge pink balloons and placed them outside the hospital room door, ans Patchi chocolates, edible fruit baskets were gifts for visitors.

My parents were very excited; they slaughtered a lamb and passed it to the poor. Tamara was their first grandchild. They bought everything for the baby I hardly did any shopping. Sara came out of the hospital five days later and when we went home, our apartment was decorated with large pink balloons and had a loads of presents for Tamara.

Life was not the same for us any more we had sleepless nights, it was very exhausting. Her mother helped her in bathing the baby and baby-sitting in the day as she had to sleep throughout the night because she was on some sort of medication. Though they never told me I suspected the mother was suffering from depression was on antidepressant drugs. My relationship with my mother-in-law was civil but to be honest I did not really like her that much. I felt she was a bad influence on Sara. Before her mother came Sara did not mind if my sister borrowed her car yet when her mother was here it was a big issue .She told me she did not like to lend her car to anyone and that I always thought of my family first. I was surprised, I could not believe that she would act this way after all my family loved her and were always willing to do a lot for her. I was praying her mother would leave soon; I didn’t want us to fight anymore. It was a great relief to see her go, it’s not right to say that about your mother-in-law but that is how I felt. Her aunt was very sweet and I really liked her, I didn’t mind her coming to visit us again but the less I see of the mother the better.

Getting Married

Sara decided to fly home to talk to her parents about the proposal.  She told her parents that a local guy named Saeed wants to marry her , that he is from a good family,  has good manners ,and has a great job. Her parents made no fuss and they immediately agreed however there only condition was that they would like to meet me. She called me soon after and asked me to come and see them as she may not be able to take any more holidays off work for a while.

This put me in a very difficult situation as I had not approached the subject with my father and my mother was still totally against the idea. That very evening I had built the courage to talk to my mother again and if I was lucky enough to convince her then maybe she would help me talk to my father.

 When I first got home from work the house was in chaos and I thought it best to wait to talk to my parents as our Ethiopian maid Kadogo wanted to run away. It was our driver who saw her leaving the house with a bag who then alerted my mother. Her boyfriend promised to get her a job with a better salary. She refused to come back into the house as she was convinced that her boyfriend would marry her and she no longer wanted to work for us.  If only any one of us could have guessed who her boyfriend was. Her boyfriend turned out to be our 60 year old local neighbour. My mother thought this was very embarrassing and was too ashamed to tell his wife. We grew up with our neighbours and he had always seemed like a decent guy who had a family. His daughters were about the same age as the maid. My mother assumed he was going through his midlife crisis.

The police had to be called in to take her since she completely refused to come inside the house and was to spend a night in the police cell before she was deported home. That was the end of the affair for the old man.

It was Friday morning and I had gotten up early in the hopes of catching my parents at breakfast. I saw them sitting in the garden and having their favourite breakfast of fool with hot chillies and a spicy omelette. I wondered how they could digest such spicy food so early in the morning. I went to say my good mornings to them and kissed my mother on her forehead. They were in a very good mood and I knew that I would ruin their day with what I had to say but I convinced myself that the choice is mine and that it was I who was going to live with her. I had finally gotten the courage to tell them that I would marry Sara and that it was to happen soon.

“Which bar or nightclub did you pick her from?” My father asked me as he dropped his bread onto his plate. He then continued to speak to me in a very scary tone “You know very well what kind of a woman and from what families you are expected to marry.” He then asked me to close the subject and to find a wife that they would approve.

I was furious at him and told him that I would marry no one but Sara as she was the perfect wife for me. My father asked me what I liked about her and I told him it was her Personality, she was gentle and very soft spoken. He told me that this was all an act and that all women like to hide their habit and once you were caught, only then would their claws come out.

 My last hope was my grandmother, she was a wise woman and very kind, I explained my situation to her and she asked me to leave it to her as she would talk to my parents. Till this day I do not know what she told them but one morning I was told by my father to go and marry who I want but that I should not expect any wedding parties or any other sort of help as I had made my decision on my own even though I knew how he felt about it.

 I was cocky enough to tell him that I did not need any help from him and that we weren’t planning on having a big wedding.

Next day I took a week off from work and flew to meet the parents of my wife to be. I was met at the airport by Sara and her brother.  Her parents welcomed me very warmly.  They had a small flat outside the city yet it was very neat and their furniture was very simple.

Her father is a retired teacher and her mother is a housewife. I was offered tea and sweets as I sat with her parents. I was very nervous knowing that I would soon be asking her father for his daughters hand in marriage. As if on cue everyone left and I was left alone with her father. When I finally asked him he asked if my family approved of this marriage which I nodded to. Then he wanted to know if I had enough income to support his daughter, I assured him that I earned enough and would be able to keep his daughter very comfortable. He gave me his blessings and called his wife and children. They yabyabbed and kissed their daughter.

Before I knew it they were already planning for an engagement party. I was grateful that I had already gotten a diamond ring from DeBeers in Emirates Mall before I left. Earlier on Sara had showed me a white and pink diamond ring that she liked. I was shocked to find out that the ring cost a hundred and forty thousand dirhams but I got it for her because I knew it was what she wanted.

The engagement party was thrown at her uncle's house as he had a big villa. There were about 50 guests who mostly consisted of family. Sara wore a white traditional dress and looked gorgeous. Her father told me that we should get married soon as he did not like long engagements. I could not tell my parents that I was engaged as they would be shocked at the speed of this affair.

Soon after I flew back to Dubai I realized that I was no longer satisfied just being engaged and wanted to get married very soon as Sara was living alone in Dubai and had no family. I was to become her family and I did not like the idea of her living alone.

I told my parents that I planned to get married after a week, my mothers jaw dropped and she had tears in her eyes but I pretended like I did not see her tears. My father told me to get married in court as he would not invite anyone but my mum refused and said that she would organize a small wedding reception at home.

A few days before the wedding my mother and Sara met. After we left my mother had told me that she did not know what I saw in her as she was no malkat Jamal, that she was very plain and ordinary and that I could have gotten a local girl who would have been so much better as we would know more about where she had come from. I told her not to worry as Sara is better than 100 local girls.

Sara brought the same traditional gown she wore on our engagement to wear on the wedding yet my mother decided to tailor her a gown more suitable for the occasion and bought her some jewellery to match. Sara loved her dress once she saw it and thanked my mother.

I thanked God that things were finally working out between my mum and Sara. Although my mother did not like the idea of me marrying Sara she went out of her way to have a grand reception for us. She wanted to have the Imam come to the house and get us married instead of us going to the court as is the norm. I went to court and submitted all our documents and made an appointment for the imam to come home on the wedding day.

By seven p.m. on the wedding day family members started arriving, come eight and the Imam who was to perform the ceremony did not arrive and this made me worry , I called the Imam and when he finally answered  he said that he was in the hospital as he had a car accident and would not be able to come. I called the chief Kadhi and asked for a replacement and the next guy I was asked to call said he was too busy and could not come. Finally I was given a number of another kadhi who agreed to come. I was getting nervous as this was not a good sign.

After we were married and the night was over we went to spend a night at Qasri Sarab and the following evening we flew out to Koh samuii, Thailand.

We had our villa with a private pool, Sara was very excited, it was her first trip to the far east. We went sailing, jet skiing, boating, swimming etc,

Two weeks of fun, love and laughter. Our love blossomed I could not bear one minute away from her, she was my everything. I did not want our 

Honeymoon to end but I had to report back to work so we returned to Dubai a happily married couple.

As my marriage was rushed i did not have time to find an apartment and we stayed with my family whilst we went apartment hunting. My mother did her best to make Sara comfortable, but she was shy and spent most of the time in our bedroom. She would only come out when I was there. After two months we found a lovely two bedroom apartment at marina. Within a week we got our furniture, most of it was from Marina and the ONE and moved to our new place.

I was planning to find another job for Sara as I did not like the idea that she was working in the hotel. I was glad when she quit her job after a few weeks as she did not get on well with her boss. I was really happy about that and told her not to worry as I would find something better. I was a happy married man but little did I know that my happiness was short lived.